


Alex Hamilton and the Dozen Pamphlets

by raven_aorla



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Epistolary, F/F, F/M, Hogwarts AU, Humor, Lafayette and Jefferson are half-French twins, M/M, Multi, inspired by twitter fics, only current relationships tagged
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 14:45:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5970816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_aorla/pseuds/raven_aorla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A group of Hogwarts students from different Houses publish a series of essays about reforming the Sorting system, improving the curriculum, addressing systemic injustice in the larger wizard society...and, eventually, how much the "Revolutionaries" are starting to get annoyed with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alex Hamilton and the Dozen Pamphlets

**Author's Note:**

> Be aware that several House placements are as much about balance as they are about characters' personalities. For example, I wanted Madison to be neither Gryffindor nor Slytherin because at various times he works with some very loud and partisan members of both.
> 
> Between my use of maiden names and the pseudonyms some characters adopt, I realize it can get a little confusing. You might have fun figuring it out yourselves. There's also a guide at the end.

_Shortly after the end of the winter holidays, a series of pamphlets began magically appearing in various locations within the castle. Some showed up underneath the pillows of every student and professor at Hogwarts. They also manifested under dinner plates, slipped out of random textbooks, fell gently from the ceiling during dramatic conversational pauses, and most impressively dropped out of the Sorting Hat itself._

\----

1\. THE DECLARATION OF INTERDEPENDENCE

In the course of our studies at Hogwarts since my twin and I moved here from France, the two of us have increasingly found your Sorting system ridiculous and artificial. We are different in many ways - examples include our stances on how much power should be granted to prefects, preferred alterations to the curriculum, the virtues of Hamilton or HUGE lack thereof, which relatives' accents we've copied - but these differences have naturally arisen between us. They have not been imposed by an outdated system that fractures our student body and seems to cause only rivalry and a cheap way for professors to manipulate student behavior without truly rewarding merit. It prevents full cooperation between students, so that we cannot consolidate our gifts.

((Seven inches of writing later))

...In conclusion, Hogwarts would be a more free and just educational institution if the Sorting system were altered as according to the points above, or banished altogether. All authors and cosigners of the upcoming series of pamphlets will be stating their affiliation alongside with their signatures, to show how united we are. 

Yrs Truly,  
Thomas "T. Jeff" Jefferson de Lafayette, Slytherin

Cosigned,  
J O H N H A N C O C K, Hufflepuff  
Ben Franklin, Ravenclaw  
John Adams, Gryffindor 

\---  
2\. THE DECLARATION OF INTERDEPENDENCE: THE SEQUEL, AS THE BOYS SOMEHOW FORGOT THE LADIES

((After nine inches of writing))

...On a personal note, I know my sister Eliza like I know my own mind. You will never find anyone better suited to the trusting and kind nature associated with the Hufflepuff house. Meanwhile, I value nothing more highly than a mind at work. Peggy's thirst for attention and notoriety out of her older sisters' shadow has found fertile ground among her Slytherin companions. I'm happy among my Ravenclaw friends, including my girlfriend Phyllis, and with my Ravenclaw identity. I would never be satisfied to identify with another House. 

However, due to the problematic aspects of the system described throughout this essay, my sisters and I must spend entirely too much time separated from or even pitted against one another. There may be benefits to Sorting, but there is no benefit in keeping us apart.

Signed,  
Angelica Schuyler, Ravenclaw

Cosigned,  
Eliza Schuyler, Hufflepuff  
Phillis Wheatley, Ravenclaw  
Theodosia Bartow, Slytherin  
Sally Hemings, Hufflepuff  
Abigail Smith, Ravenclaw  
Dolley Payne, Gryffindor  
Martha Wayles, Hufflepuff  
and Peggy Schuyler, Slytherin

\----

3\. THE REFORMATIONIST PAPERS 

(Three inches of writing forming a cautiously worded - but impressively eloquent and concise - summary of the rest of the lengthy screed. Signed by, "Sir Burn, Slytherin.")

(Six inches of writing about how students would benefit from elective classes in the arts, sciences, and humanities. Signed by "Bluejay, Hufflepuff.")

(One foot of writing about the value of field trips, physical education, sex education, and an increase in projects and activities that are inter-House. Signed by "Jitter Mouse, Ravenclaw".)

(FOUR FEET AND ONE INCH of writing attacking how Hogwarts credits are nontransferable, the lack of job training, the continued marginalization of Muggleborn Slytherins, and the absence of transparency in the hiring and firing of professors. There are also allegations of professors verbally and/or emotionally abusing students and concerns regarding the use of house elves as unpaid labor. All this is followed by many proposed solutions in great detail. Signed with shaky fingers and a big splash of ink by "Tiny Lion, Gryffindor".)

\----

4\. CRIMES AGAINST NON-HUMANITY

Too many of the arguments for our treatment of house-elves are the same as ones those in power once used to justify the treatment of a certain class of human beings. "They're happy that way." "It's what they're meant to do." "They'd be lost and purposeless without us."

It's true that many house-elves find themselves distressed and adrift after being freed, but the fault lies in not providing a support network for their gainful, fair employment. It has nothing to do with an inherent "destiny". As their culture has a deeply ingrained sense of duty and many house-elves would be distraught at a perceived "rejection", a gradual system of education and self-determination must be implemented first. House-elves who make an informed choice to remain with their masters should still be granted wages and such legal protections as...

((Several paragraphs in this vein.))

Meanwhile, goblins, centaurs, giants, and merfolk, among others, continue to have their lands (or waters) polluted or even taken from them. We ignore evidence of their intelligence and dignity. Their unique identities are trivialized and dismissed, never taught to young witches and wizards except perhaps as a footnote in Newt Scamader's otherwise excellent work....

((Continues for many additional paragraphs.))

Sincerely,  
John Laurens, who identifies as Gryffinpuff but was shoehorned into Gryffindor...

...and Alex Hamilton, who identifies as Slytherdor, but picked Gryffindor in order to room with John. Also because what is this Slytherin obsession with having wizard parents? Not all of you are like that. I count several Slytherins as friends. But if just one more inbred git calls me a m**b**** bastard, meet me in dueling club, got it?

Note from Abigail Smith, proofreader, Ravenclaw:  
I support this document, but Hamilton needs to take a break and some deep breaths.

\---

5\. NO PARTY TO THIS

We would like to disclaim any agreement or support for the radical views in "Crimes Against Non-Humanity". Their priorities are not our priorities, their ideals are too extreme, and we feel that too much emphasis on the contents of that essay endangers all our goals.

Signed,  
Thomas "T. Jeff" Jefferson de Lafayette, Slytherin  
James Madison, Ravenclaw  
Charles Lee, Gryffindor

\----

6\. PRACTICAL TACTICAL BRILLIANCE

Dearest Tommy, last weekend when I went to visit Maman but you stayed here to scheme, I unionized our house-elves. I gave all your hats to the ones who wanted literal freedom. Maman is not best pleased that she has to start paying the remaining ones now, but I'm her favorite and it shall pass. The Howlers should stop soon when she acknowledges that we have the money to pay twice as many house elves for their work if we wish. Sweet Adrienne is teaching me to crochet, so I'll crochet you a new hat to keep you warm while you are not oppressing others quite so much. <3

Vive la revolution,  
Gilbert "Laf" Jefferson de Lafayette, Gryffindor

P.S. While you are at this, perhaps treat your girlfriend better and stop acting like you own her. It isn't her fault that her half-sister has moved on. 

Cosigned,  
Sally Hemings and Martha Wayles, Hufflepuffs

\----

7\. THIS MAY SOUND INDELICATE: A REPLY TO "NO PARTY TO THIS"

How can you hypocrites talk about making things fair for Hogwarts students without addressing the inequality on which this castle runs and wizard society functions? 

((Several paragraphs of general invective, most of it well-reasoned. Then it descends into personal attacks.))

...Lee, you are the most cowardly and incompetent Quidditch captain our House has ever been saddled with. If Laf wasn't the best Seeker we've had in Gryffindor since Potter, our last game would have been a miserable failure. Madison, you were on my side until you started hovering around T. Jeff like an anxious puffskein.

T. Jeff., I don't care how many detentions I get for this or how many points Gryffindor loses: [insult] [insult] [surprisingly legitimate rhetorical question] [massively childish insult] [obscene drawing]. I HOPE LAF KICKED YOU CONSTANTLY WHILE YOU WERE IN THE WOMB TOGETHER.

\- A.Ham

\----

8\. TALK LESS

Hamilton, if you continue to splinter our movement, you're going to get yourself humiliated, or worse, expelled. I'm all for non-human person rights too, but we need to lie in wait and focus on what we can control. Laurens has the sense not to openly antagonize his allies. Listen to him. Abigail doesn't try to ambush and hex people at three in the morning. Follow her example. Don't make me your enemy. 

Cordially,  
Aaron Burr, Slytherin

\----

9\. WE KNOW 

To Whom it Definitely Concerns,

Do the initials M.R. and N.Y.C ring a bell? We know about Soft Shell, too. Let's talk at a quiet restaurant in Hogsmeade. A tailor at Mulligan's Robes can direct you to the room where it'll happen. Go at the time of day that is the same as your birthday, plus two months. Tell him that thing you know about Jitter Mouse. That thing. (The man knows it too; it's just to serve as a password).

\- Jitter Mouse  
\- Mellow Cello  
\- Sir Burn

\---

10\. IT'S CALLED POLYAMORY

My girlfriend AND my boyfriend already know about the fling I had when I was working in New York last summer. Soft Shell had a little thing of his own in London. Nobody gives a toss. All my friends know I'm bi, too, I just don't shout it from the rooftops. I can if you like. You can't out someone who beats you to it. 

But you can still enrage him with a slur or three. Duel, Sir Burn, tomorrow.

\- Tiny Lion

P.S. You. "Doe Eyes". I like her fine, but pot calling the kettle a cheater, much?

\---

11\. THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO RESOLVE DISPUTES, LIKE TALKING TO EACH OTHER

Though we admit, the scandalous gossip has unified the student body like nothing else could. 

Don't you dare get hurt. Either of you. And leave Doe Eyes out of it.

Signed,  
\- Helpmore  
\- Soft Shell  
\- Doe Eyes

Cosigned,  
\- Unsatisfied  
\- Lancelot

\----

12\. EYES ON YOU

Young revolutionaries, 

I am sympathetic to your concerns and will be happy to hear you out in a more systematic fashion. Your essays are persuasive and commendable, but your method of distribution is highly disruptive. I am also disturbed by the increasing tendency towards barely veiled infighting. You will be notified of the time and place. 

After Hamilton can leave the infirmary, and once Burr has completed his detention for using a mildly injurious spell rather than a disarming one, of course. 

Sincerely,  
Headmaster George Washington

**Author's Note:**

> Featuring:  
> * Abigail Smith (Adams)  
> * Theodosia Bartow (Provost, later Burr)  
> * Martha Wayles (Jefferson) - whose half-sister, Sally Hemings, was a slave at Monticello and almost certainly had children by Thomas after Martha's death.  
> * Dolley Payne (Madison)
> 
> Pseudonyms within the fic, just in case:  
> * Bluejay = John Jay  
> * Jitter Mouse = Madison  
> * Tiny Lion = Hamilton  
> * Sir Burn = Burr (sir)  
> * Mellow Cello = T. Jeff.  
> * Soft Shell = Laurens  
> * Helpmore = Eliza  
> * Unsatisfied = Angelica  
> * Doe Eyes = Theodosia  
> * Lancelot = Laf
> 
>  I imported Phillis Wheatley from history because a. I love her (George Washington admired her poetry! John Hancock attested to her having written it when racist people questioned it!), b. more people need to know about her, c. I wanted an f/f pairing and I think she and Angelica would have really gotten along. 
> 
> Eta: I did some research on John Jay recently and found out he ended slavery in New York state when he was governor, so in honor of that I have changed this fic so he no longer signs "NO PARTY TO THIS".


End file.
